Where do Fights Come From?

"Where do wars and fights come from among you?" (James 4:1)

Have you ever paused to wonder why fights happen? 

When I say fighting, yes, I could be talking about actual wars happening.

I could also be referring to the battles we fight within our own country- political, social, and so on. 

I could be talking about the rifts that happen interdenominationally, or even within a single church. 

But I'm sure we all know that fighting happens a lot closer to home than that. 

How about the "disagreements" (er, arguments) that happen within families: among siblings, spouses, parents and teens, etc.?

There is something almost thrilling about joining in a good argument, would you agree?

I've gotten caught up in some of them myself. It's almost addicting to fight for that last word. 

But usually, whoever had the last word was the one who inflicted the most pain. 

And whenever that last word is followed by silence, you can be sure that it will take a lot of work to fix the damage that was done.

Emotions flying, angry streams of words exchanged, blame shifting, or cutting sarcasm... Or for some, it can even get physical... It's so easy to put up every defense we can in the fight to be right.

Another fighting tactic we use is that good old silent treatment. 

Sometimes it's what you don't say, or the fact that nothing is said at all, that can inflict even more pain. But this tactic (as well as any other one) can also inflict wounds that are difficult to repair in a person's heart. 

Where in the world do these fights even come from? Or as James 4:1 puts it: "Where do wars and fights come from among you?" 

I love how James just answers that first question with another one. "Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?" 

You got it. I hadn't finished mentioning all the types of wars that there are. 

Because if you find yourself battling others, it is only outward evidence of a war going on within.

I find myself most prone to say something with cutting sarcasm in response to someone who did something I don't like when there is an unsettled battle in my soul.

I am most easily irritated and stubborn towards others when I am in the middle of fighting against God.

I inflict the silent treatment on someone who offended me the most readily when I have already been silently resisting God. 

What's happening on the outside is only the fruit of your inward reality. 

You see, if you are saying no to God because you know that what He wants isn't what you want, you have no peace. 

And how can you expect to respond in peace to those around you when there is no peace to be found in your own soul? 

Maybe you're thinking: "That's just what I want -peace. But I'm afraid that if I say yes to God, He will give me just the opposite." 

But my much-loved friend, that's just it. You cannot have any peace apart from God. Period. 

If you feel like you're not at peace within your own soul, could it be that you are resisting God in some way?

And if you are resisting God in some way, could it be that you have forgotten that true pleasure is found in Him alone?

We will never have lasting, stable peace with others until we let go of our pursuit of pleasure and make God our pursuit, giving Him our unconditional yes. 

That is why there are battles in the world, in our country, in our churches, in our families, and everywhere else I haven't mentioned. 

That is why you find yourself so easily putting those proverbial boxing gloves on the moment someone even begins to do or say something you don't like. 

That's not to say that those who say yes to God will be without battles, but we use different weapons than the world does. We fight with love, prayer and doing good as our weapons, not hatred and anger.  

We long for pleasure, don't we?

We are so easily persuaded that the pleasure we seek is found in living "healthy, wealthy and wise." 

Or in having it all together, accumulating wealth and having the perfect family.

Or in being the most popular and the most well-known. 

Or in having success and status. 

Or in stability in our culture and in our homes. 

Or in keeping things as they've always been in our Country, our churches and our homes.

Or maybe it is something more simplistic like that one event coming up that needs to go perfectly.

Or the schedule staying on track and always being on time.

Or it's in doing the things you do well, not disappointing yourself or others, having a day without something going wrong, 

Or it's in having a relaxing evening with nothing hectic going on.

I'm sure my list could be a ton longer, but I think you get the idea. 

We are so often duped into believing that pleasure comes from the temporary things and circumstances we are surrounded with. 

And when, like toddlers, someone reaches out for something that we have, or we see another person getting in the way of our own pleasure, it can quickly escalate into a fight, simply because pleasure is our goal. 

Are we wrong to want pleasure? Not exactly... I just think pleasure shouldn't be the goal, since usually it ends up being the temporary things that most readily give it that we go for. 

You see, the only lasting pleasure you will find is in God. (Psalm 16:11)

And if we are living our lives fighting against Him, instead of making Him our goal, we will not have true pleasure or peace that transcends every circumstance. 

So maybe, just maybe, we should stop and ponder where our battles with others are coming from. 

If you are prone to cutting remarks and fighting words, maybe you should step back and ask God what He's trying to do in your life that you've been saying no to... 

If you find anger spilling out of your heart and onto others, chilling words being spoken to people who have also been created in God's image and are just as loved by Him as you are, stop for a moment and look up at the Jesus you claim to follow. 

Is He beckoning you to follow Him in a different direction than you are headed?

Here is your opportunity to turn previous "no's" in to a heartfelt, freeing yes, and to let Him love those in front of you -through you- in the very moment you could be working up another fight. 

He loves you, my friend. No matter how many "no's" you have said to Him. 

Don't believe me? Take a good hard look at the cross. 

Jesus went all the way to the cross rejected and hated the whole way and didn't stop loving us even for a moment. He arose triumphant over the grave and over the sin that has you still fighting Him now and adamantly declares that nothing can ever separate us from His love. (Romans 8)

...

Jesus, how easily I lose sight of You in pursuit of temporary pleasure. How quick I am to say no to Your gentle invitation to follow You in the hard moments where love comes least naturally!

Give me fresh glimpses of Your love for me as well as for others so that I can be a carrier of Your peace to those around me who are so ready to fight.

Your love is heavenly, not earthly, so it is impossible for me to love apart from You. Pour Your love through me.  

You are so good... My answer to You is yes.