Living Life for Christ Alone

It's gotten busier here of late, and my head feels like it's going to explode with the many different things I've been doing and having to think through. One day this past week, I put on my "Teacher" cap for a half hour, took it off, put on my "Housekeeper" cap for five hours, put my "Teacher" cap back on for another hour, then put on my "Babysitter" hat on for another five hours.  God truly has blessed me with much to do right now. But I need to tell you something. I've been getting exhausted. Overwhelmed sometimes when I wake up in the morning thinking, "Do I really have to do it all over again?"

I saw this message written in the sky one day -a precious reminder of His love. In I am a Fugitive , I felt so selfish talking about God's love for me, but I'm not about to stop! Now I'm going to try to flip your mindset upside down. I think it might be kind of fun. :) Flipping my mindset upside down I always feel that, in order to feel God's love, there must be nothing in the way. I must remove all impurities, all sins that are tainting my view -then, and  only then,  I can see it for what it is. This simply isn't true. -Unconditional love The fact is, God has always loved me first . He showed His love for me when Jesus, His only Son, died on the cross, and the punishment for my sin weighed heavily on Him. He showed it when Jesus asked the Father to forgive me for nailing Him there.  "They don't know what they're doing,"  He says, because in reality,  I had no idea that my sins were giving Him so much pain on that cross.

For more than a week now, I've been thinking about a subject that seems almost selfish to think about. I can't get the topic off my mind! Every time I go to pray, every time I open up my bible, it's there, plain as day... And with it, a little red flag pops up.  Amazing enough, it all began with me failing  to be the kind of Christian I'm supposed  to be. Not loving people, not being kind... in fact, kinda rough in my thinking towards them.  Sure, there were specific and almost "good" reasons to think and be that way... (As in I could of rationalized it away easy as pie.)  There. You just got a glimpse into one of the many ways I'm quite capable of messing up.

"For we have not an High Priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities..." (Heb. 4:15) When I do not understand myself, Jesus  still  understands me.

"How can I rest in You and be at peace when storms keep coming my way, God? It seems like every time I settle down another one comes and I'm on my feet again." That question was one that I asked God this morning. Sometimes, I pull out my journal and instead of closing my eyes to pray, I write a prayer to God. Mainly because it is so hard to find the words when I'm just talking. At the end of the prayer, I closed the journal, opened my bible to Jeremiah and began to read. I began in chapter 16 and read through to 17. A passage grabbed my attention that I had underlined in purple and gold on one or two of my previous read-through's.

"Blessed are they that dwell in Thy house: they will be still praising thee. Selah." Psalm 84:4 Time of prayer was had, and we get up from our knees, praising God. Lifting high His name. We leave the closet, leave the place where secrets where whispered, grace was given, love was received -we leave it and forget it, almost as though it didn't happen- and we go about our business, forgetting the precious moments we had with the Savior. And then, clouds roll over our Christian life, thunder rumbles, lightning strikes, we are dealt hatred by those we love, unkind words from those we cherish. People turn on us. We lose our most precious belongings to tragedies. Trials come that were completely unexpected. Things don't go our way. ...And what do we do? What is the first thing we run to?

When we think of God, what exactly do we think? Is He safe? I believe that in many hearts of many people, we believe God is unsafe. You sin and you had better not go near Him. If you tried, He will punish you in some way. Sure, He loves you, but when you associate yourself with sin, He no longer associates Himself with you. But... is that true?

Imagine a crowd of about 5,000 men, plus women and children milling around. You cannot see the edges of the crowd, and they are pressing in on you.  Then imagine with me the twelve disciples, looking at the sizable crowd, unsure of what to do with them. Lunch is approaching, and stomachs are feeling empty. Hunger is gnawing at them, and then it dawns on them: "we have nothing to feed them!"  A little boy walks up, appearing excited. "I have some food! Would you like to use it?" The disciple looks at it, at first impressed with the gift, and then realizing that it is not nearly enough.  "Lord, there is a boy here with five loaves and two fish, but what are they among so many?"  Then, Jesus tells the crowd to sit down, breaking a loaf in two as He gives thanks, and then giving it to the disciples to pass on to the crowds. Imagine the disciples' surprise as the five little loaves and two fish don't run out after the first couple of people! It is...

"Give it to me." "No!" "Why won't you give it to me?"  "Because I don't trust you!" Often, we have this conversation with God without realizing it. Maybe we wouldn't say those words -those faithless words- with our mouth, but we most certainly live it every day, and our hearts are unwilling to let go. I don't know how many times I've found myself on my knees,  praying through something big -something hard- and He says, "Give it to Me." My instinct is to say, "No!" Quickly, He asks, "Where is your faith? Don't you trust Me?" And I am left speechless...

"Lord, I've been so caught up in life that I've forgotten You.... Make me to become so caught up in You that I forget life!" This was my prayer today after I read, reread, and meditated on Hebrews 12:1-2. This is what it says: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the Champion who initiates and perfects our faith..." (NLT) We are to "strip off" all of the weights that are slowing down and leave them behind. As I read this, I was like, "how? How in the world do I strip off all the weights?" I just looked at those two words and prayed silently that God would open my eyes. And then I kept reading.... "We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus..."

Trust God... When the way is rough, trust Him. When your world is falling apart, trust Him. When all forsake you, trust Him. When you lose the ones you love, trust Him. When you're hurt by those closest to you, trust Him. When life is confusing, trust Him. When life's trials seem to overwhelm you, trust Him. When storms threaten to block your view of Him, trust Him. When your next step is uncertain, trust Him. When you feel lost and confused, trust Him. When life is up or down -all the time, trust Him and only Him. He promised He will never leave you! He promised His love for you will never fail! He said He cares for you and delights in every detail of your life! He firmly holds you in His hand! He planned out your whole life before the foundations of the earth were built! He gave you every spiritual blessing, dear child of God! He calls Himself your Father and you, dear Christian, His child! He loves you with an everlasting love and His eyes are always on...