His Love Still Chases Me (Part 2 of I am a Fugitive)

I saw this message written in the sky one day
-a precious reminder of His love.

In I am a Fugitive, I felt so selfish talking about God's love for me, but I'm not about to stop! Now I'm going to try to flip your mindset upside down. I think it might be kind of fun. :)

Flipping my mindset upside down

I always feel that, in order to feel God's love, there must be nothing in the way. I must remove all impurities, all sins that are tainting my view -then, and only then, I can see it for what it is. This simply isn't true.

-Unconditional love

The fact is, God has always loved me first. He showed His love for me when Jesus, His only Son, died on the cross, and the punishment for my sin weighed heavily on Him. He showed it when Jesus asked the Father to forgive me for nailing Him there. "They don't know what they're doing," He says, because in reality, I had no idea that my sins were giving Him so much pain on that cross.

I am a Fugitive

For more than a week now, I've been thinking about a subject that seems almost selfish to think about.

I can't get the topic off my mind! Every time I go to pray, every time I open up my bible, it's there, plain as day... And with it, a little red flag pops up. 

Amazing enough, it all began with me failing to be the kind of Christian I'm supposed to be. Not loving people, not being kind... in fact, kinda rough in my thinking towards them. 

Sure, there were specific and almost "good" reasons to think and be that way... (As in I could of rationalized it away easy as pie.) There. You just got a glimpse into one of the many ways I'm quite capable of messing up.

I Can Eat All I Want

"...And the people ran out of food again..." (Mark 8:1)

This short little phrase jumped out to me as I read the passage in Mark 8. Perhaps because this kind of thing happens to me all the time.

My food is a little different than theirs was on that day. Sometimes it's strength to get through the day. I might have found it in approval from someone or based on the circumstances that are in front of me. Other times it's patience with someone I simply can't be patient with... I muster up all the strength I've got to bite my tongue so that I don't say something I'll regret later.

When my emotions are out of control...

Often in the shadows I sit, surrounded by piles and piles of emotions that hold my attention and overwhelm me. Often they arrive in a sandstorm of confusion, walling me in and leaving me full of fear. 

They're dirty emotions. Many of them don't make any sense to me. And the more I try to bring order to the piles around me, the more of a mess it all becomes. 

One addition to my piles of emotions came through a friend who didn't fulfill my expectations. The one before that came through a sibling who hurt me. Another whirlwind arrived in the form of broken dreams. And yet another came in the quiet of my bedroom, looking in the mirror at a failure -myself- a girl who could never be good enough; a girl who'd never measure up.

When My Mindset is Up

This year I started using a Bible in the year plan. It's been interesting to me which books they give you to read first. Part of the first several days was the book of Philippians... As I was reading in chapter 1, several phrases challenged me.

I'd like to pass this challenge on to you.

"For me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires; I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live." -Philippians 1:21-24

I pulled out my notebook and started to spill the thoughts that were coming to mind, which I will write below. (In italics.)

Do I have such a heavenly mindset? 

A Whole Year Later...

As December thirty-first turned into January first of the new year, I had mixed feelings. Partly because 2014 had turned out to be extremely dear to my heart. Many of my own life's most difficult moments had happened in this year, as well as many of the most exciting ones. I wasn't quite ready to let it go.

Come on, it's just a year number... 

On January first for the past couple of years now, I like to write a prayer of dedication in my journal, asking God to do something incredible with the year, to teach me more about Him, to grow me more... that kind of thing.

Lessons with Jesus [on the other side of the world]

I am attempting to blog from my phone in New Zealand, so if my style seems different, that is why... :-)

Wow, what a great trip so far! We are only in the third week of our trip, and yet time has just flown by!

There was the long flight to Melbourne, where I sat next to a Romanian lady and conversed about the gospel, dining with several different families near the Melbourne training center, having the girls and guys Journey to the Heart at the same time in two separate locations, touring beautiful and interesting Melbourne and it's surroundings...

A trip overseas... IN [Just over] TWO WEEKS!!!

Only a couple of weeks ago, I was asked to consider going to Australia and New Zealand to help with some girls retreats over there.

These retreats are called Journey to the Heart. They are ten days long and girls come to get away from everything so they can get alone with God and find out more of His heart. It is incredible the things that God does on the retreats! I've been doing them for several years, and have watched as God changed life after life.

Ups n' Downs

Life.

It's full of ups and downs, don't you agree? One moment you're on a mountain top, and you feel you can see the whole world and everything in it. And then the next moment, you find yourself in a valley covered with clouds and darkness and you can barely see your hand in front of your face.

But are we supposed to feel right all the time? That's a question that gets me. I want to feel right all the time! I want to feel as if everything is fun and enjoyable. But to be honest, it's not. There are dreary, dull things that each of us are called to do each day... and if you're anything like me, you might struggle with finding it pointless or boring...

Here's the secret...

Today I'd like to share with you a secret. It's a secret that I know could change your life if you let it...

I happened to be reading in Revelation on this one particular morning. It's a book that gets me excited, perplexed, and causes me to have a sense of awe all at once...

Maybe its because it talks about heavenly things I can't imagine. Maybe its because it talks about things that will happen that I can't fully understand. Or perhaps its because there is so much promise of hope in it that gets my mind off of the here and now. 

The Problem of Living for Me

The thin figure caught my eye as the team and I gathered back together from evangelizing on the pier in El Salvador. I didn't know if it was a he or she, but this person walked in a rather strange way. He wore tights and a green trench coat. His hair went to his shoulders, and he wore a hat that seemed to fit his look. In his hand he held a blonde doll. 

The people I was with also noticed him, and we all watched as he walked by. Suddenly, he turned and saw us watching. "Don't make eye contact," someone warned us. He took a few steps toward us. In his eyes, evil danced, a grin spread across his face that seemed to say, "I see you watching..."

"Are you sure?"

The day had been a long one. I had taught all morning, then rushed to a cleaning job, then ran an errand for a ministry at our church.

I was so tired that on the way back from the errand, I missed my turn and found that out of habit, I was headed towards the store closest to our house.

Oops! I thought to myself, I missed my turn... Oh well... I decided that I would go ahead and go all the way there and do some shopping for my upcoming trip.

I walked in to the store, realizing just how messy I must've looked... 

Every Person Has a Past

Every person has a past...

Some not as pleasant as others, but all with torn up dreams; sudden and unwanted twists to their stories that have an effect on them they never wanted.

In the short life I've lived so far, much has taken place already that I didn't see coming. And when it did, confusion clouded the pathway, and my dreams became a blur. Wounds that went so deep, I never thought I'd be whole again.

We are free!

Nothing. 

That's all it was. But soon that nothingness was radically changed, simply by a command. 

"Let there be light," and there was light. Within six days, nothing became something. Something incredible. Sky, earth, stars, sea, animals, fish, insects, plants... and best of all, humans. Made in the image and likeness of their Maker. He looked over His creation, pleased. "It is good."

Since God is Love...

"And now abides faith, hope, love; these three; but the greatest of these is love."                   -1 Corinthians 13: 13

A question gnawed at my mind as I considered the sentence above. Why would love be more important than faith and hope?

The world is filled with unfair circumstances. Life seems to always be getting messed up. You'd think maybe hope would be most needed. And what about faith? Isn't that the key to pleasing God? Wouldn't faith be most important, because faith pleases God? Didn't He create us for His glory? (Hebrews 11:6)

But, no... the verse clearly said, "...the greatest of these is love."

It is amazing how when you go to the bible with a need for one thing, if you truly are searching, God will show you something better than what you were looking for. I had been searching for hope. I was getting to a place where I wondered if there was any. As I searched for verses on hope, I realized that God is the God of hope, He gives it due to the resurrection. But then I came across this verse.

When Life Hurts...

Recently, I went through a very painful experience. The death of a dream I had thought was coming true. The loss of something I thought I had gained permanently. Never had I experienced something so difficult before. Never had I guessed that this was going to happen to me.

...But it did. And it hurt.

I praise God for His healing power at work in me... As I write, I write not only to you, but to myself as one who is learning on this journey too. 

This morning, as I was reading in the Psalms, I came across a Psalm that hadn't stood out to me in this way before. As I read, I realized that I was looking at me in the mirror of God's word.