Let Him show you Himself

I sat on the bathroom floor, the sound of the girls crying from the different rooms they were in making its way to my ears and breaking into the silence.

It had been an emotional week for the girls. Between potty training, teething, leaps and who knows what else, there had been many, many tears.

My own emotions were frayed, and I knew I couldn't handle their tears and the intensity of emotion much more. 

I took a deep breath and said a prayer. "God, I can't even hold myself together..." 

His whisper quieted my soul: "I can hold you -and them- together." 

I stood back up and walked out of that bathroom with renewed confidence.

...

"He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it." (1 Thess 5:24)

How readily I take things into my own hands. How easily I grasp for control. And then, how quickly it all gets out of control because of my choice to take control. 

But I am here -as a wife, a mother, a writer and whatever else I am, because He called me here. So why do I need to control it? 

He who called me is faithful, who also will do it, right? 

In other words, it's all His work, not mine. 

Marriage was His idea.

Motherhood and fatherhood were His ideas.

Serving and pouring out our lives for others was His idea. 

Work was His idea. 

Using our gifts to further His kingdom was His idea. 

I so easily take His ideas into my hands and try to make them my own. I think that, if He called me to something, it must be because He thinks I can handle it. 

But what if He calls us to something we actually can't handle? What then? 

...

"Then Peter called to Him, 'Lord, if it's really You, tell me to come to You, walking on the water.'

"'Yes, come,' Jesus said." (Matthew 14:28-29)

Peter caught the vision for walking on water. He saw Jesus, defiant to the storm, walking on the waves instead of sinking into them.

So, when he dared Jesus to command him to come and Jesus did so, Peter had already decided he would. 

How radical his obedience. How miraculous it was... Even the faith it took to step out of the boat of safety onto the sea with Jesus was radical faith. 

In his excitement at being asked, he followed Jesus out onto the water without a thought.

But THEN fear got its victory.

Fear was howling at Peter the whole time, but he had made his decision, and then listened to fear. He had started walking on the water in defiance to fear, but then gave fear an audience. 

What would have happened if he had kept looking at Jesus? 

He would have kept strengthening his faith and confidence by doing so, for he would have continuously seen that with Christ, it is possible to walk on water. 

But fear or no fear, the only thing that kept him from drowning in the water was Jesus. 

...

Fear or no fear. Challenge or no challenge. Pain or no pain. 

Ease or difficulty. Joy or sorrow. War or peace.

It really doesn't matter. The only One who keeps us on our feet is Jesus. 

My Abba holds my hand and will not let me go. 

I -very similarly to how toddlers are- think I can handle more than I actually can, so I take things into my own hands. I take my eyes off Jesus and am both afraid and amazed that I have walked as many steps as I have on the water.

But I forget why I got there. I forget Who held me up.

And then, I find myself sinking deep into the waves. Or to keep up the other metaphor, I find myself stumbling over the boulders that block my path, tripping, falling...

But no matter where I am, it is He who keeps me from completely going down. (Psalm 37:23-24)

It is He who picks me up and brushes me off. It is He who bandages my wounds and reminds me where my eyes are meant to rest. 

It is He -and only He- who recaptures my love and renews my heart. 

I can't make this happen. I can only cooperate. I can stop fighting for control and receive His rest. He is my Lover, my Father, my Healer, my King, and He knows me better than I know myself. 

...

"...Be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like Him." (Col 3:10)

Renewal happens only as I know God in experience. I get renewed with each fresh encounter with Him and with each new revelation of Him. 

I get renewed as He meets me sitting on the bathroom floor breathing a simple prayer to Him and hearing His response.

I get renewed as He picks me up again after another fall.

I get renewed as I taste His mercy and kindness towards me in surprising ways. 

I get renewed as I talk with Him over a sink full of dishes. 

I get renewed as I meditate on things He has said in His word.

I get renewed in my times of quiet alone with Him, away from all the noise.

I get renewed as I gaze at His image stamped in His people.

I get renewed every time He shows up, proving to me again that He was always closer than I dreamed.

I get renewed every single time I look up and see Him there, every time I look into His eyes and see that He still loves me, and nothing has changed between us. 

I get renewed as I discover more about Him that I never even realized was there, as I explore the endlessness of His character, the limitlessness of His love.... 

I also get changed into His image this way. It can't be avoided.

This is why I need to look for Him in each circumstance and keep my gaze on Him.

This is why I need to cling to Him as my only hope.

This is why I am to carry my burdens to him and leave them there in His capable hands. 

This is why I am to be with His people in heart-to-heart fellowship, talking about Him as we walk along our Emmaus Road together.

This is why I am to worship and sing to Him even in the darkest moments.

This is why I ask Him questions and listen for His loving reply.

And as I do, my trust deepens, my heart grows, my life spills out with His life onto others. 

I can't help it, because when I have God, I have more than enough.

...

Where are you, my dear friend? 

Have you stopped to think that He might be there with you, wanting to show you Himself? 

Have you gazed at His image in His people? 

Have you followed Him to the places He is leading you to? 

Are you keeping your eyes on Him as you walk with Him in impossible places? 

Whatever your circumstances may be, He has something about Himself He wants you to know in experience that will change you. 

In grasping for control, we miss the opportunity to rest in the arms of our Father and enjoy His goodness towards us.

...

Lord, who are You that I may call on Your name? 

I want to know You in these circumstances I find myself in. 

You are the Giver of rest, the Lover of my soul, the One who sees me and knows me. You are my kindest Companion, my ever-present Help, my most understanding Friend. 

But I know there is much, much more to You than meets the eye... So, give me glimpses of you in my present circumstances. 

Let me hear You calling me to Your wholehearted embrace. 

I want you... And I see that You want me too... So, here I am... I am Yours.

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