The Lord who Sees Our Innocence
"The Lord rewarded me for doing right. He has seen my innocence." Psalm 18:24
I have been giving this verse a lot of thought lately.
I mean, seriously though. If you think about who God is, and how He knows us through and through, it seems almost foolish to make such a claim to Him.
In case you're not tracking with me, let me explain...
Remember that day when you went the whole day doing everything perfectly?
You got up right when the alarm went off and shouted, "Praise God!" rejoicing the whole day while simultaneously doing everything He had for you to do that day for His glory AND serving every person you came into contact with by pouring out every ounce of strength you had with the right motives, while still wearing a smile on your face and not having a hint of complaint in your soul, AND at the same time, you stayed peaceful when things around you were going wrong, AND you responded with kindness to everyone you came across, including those who hated you, etc. etc. etc.
Hmmm... that day never happened? My point exactly.
And yet, when we look at God, all we see is absolute perfection. All we know is One who has never sinned, and who will never fail.
This God sees everything that happens in our lives. "Everything is naked and laid bare before Him." (Hebrews 4) This means that what you think you have covered up, He sees.
Those thoughts deep in your soul that you think nobody knows about, those rogue desires, those ill feelings... well, He knows.
I feel like motherhood brings this point home even more. I had high hopes before becoming a mom. I thought I'd handle every situation just right. I thought I could love without limit. I thought it would be easy to always have a smile on my face, no matter what was happening. I thought it would be easy to choose kindness when my flesh is demanding that I react in frustration.
But... the reality is, it is far from easy. Ok. Actually, it's downright impossible.
And God knew that. He knew it before leading me into motherhood. He called me to these places where I would see it and realize I can't, that I am weak, and apart from Him I can do nothing.
So.... Why, you might be asking, did I put that verse up there and start off talking about God seeing our innocence?
Ha. Good question.
Because He does, that's why.
Um, excuse me, but you just said -?
I know what I said. Let me explain.
I tend to find fault with myself very easily, so I assume God must be like that too.
I mean, yes, He sees the good things I do, but He knows my thoughts, and He sees what motives are there. He also knows that for every good thing I do, there seems to be ten not-so-good things. At least, that is what I think. There could be more. ;)
Someone praises me for something I did, and my tendency is to think of all the times that I didn't do that thing they praised me for.
Or the day is done, and I look for ways I could have done better during the day. I nit-pick each interaction that happened, each choice made, and wonder why I didn't do as good as I could have done.
Or I feel like because my emotions aren't spiritual, I can't really go to God. I mean, aren't feelings supposed to be part of our interaction with God? But what if feelings just won't cooperate?
Or I just assume that, because I haven't been executing life perfectly, He can't accept me, or at least, He probably won't be happy to be with me when I go to talk to Him.
Or how about the assumption that, yes, He sees the good that is happening in my life, but His chief concern is getting rid of the bad so that I am not so repulsive to Him?
Will there ever be a time when He is absolutely pleased with everything I do?
On this train of thought, if my answer is yes, it will be because I believe I can achieve perfection somehow.
And if my answer is no, it's because I believe that even the good things that come out of my life are tainted.
BUT.
What if -Oh, don't miss what I'm about to say! -what if HE is doing something altogether good in me?
And to top that off, what if the thing that gets His attention the most about my life is not what I am doing wrong, but what He is doing and has done that without question is good?
Whoa, that takes the pressure off, doesn't it?
Think of your heart like a garden and God as the Gardener. (Sound familiar? Read John 15 to develop this farther!)
I tried gardening a couple times. I am no green thumb, but what I do know is this: the most exciting thing about the garden is watching the plants I planted grow.
When a gardener shows his garden to others, his concern is that people see the beautiful flowers and taste the fruit. He doesn't make a big deal about the weeds.
They don't say, "Ah, this is my garden. There is a plant I planted -and look at all these weeds. Do you know how much I hate them? I wish they wouldn't be there. My garden is never good enough. I ask it to get rid of the weeds, but it won't. It's never perfect, because these stupid weeds keep cropping up and making it ugly."
And yet, don't we feel like God says that about us most of the time?
"Yes, good is there, (because I put it there,) but there is still so much wrong... Ugh. I don't think I'll ever be happy with her."
No, no, no.
Let's rethink this.
God sees it as His own responsibility to make His life grow. We are like little children next to our Father in the garden of our heart. He plants the seeds. We "help", or at least cooperate, with what He is doing.
I picture my little 15-month-old daughter beside me in the garden and we are about like that with God in His garden.
He gives us a spade and lets us do some digging sometimes. At other times, He asks us to grab onto a huge weed and yank on it with His mighty hands wrapped around ours. Other times, He lets us help Him grab the branches He pruned and throw them into the fire.
But it is His work, not ours. He is the One who knows what weeds need to go, and when, not us. And like my little daughter, the greatest pleasure either of us get out of it is in doing it together, and then enjoying the fruit of our hard work together.
He is the One who understands best how the garden of our heart will grow.
He is the One who knows when to send the rains of His mercy and the sunshine of His grace to nurture the Life He placed in us.
He takes joy is the Life He Himself put there. He loves picking the fruit off of the plants He grew in us with us by His side and handing it to others to taste.
When others praise us for what He is doing, it is only right to receive it as an acknowledgment of what He is doing.
It is only right to stand back in awe and say, "wow, what He is doing is that obvious? That's pretty amazing."
The Gardener Himself is pleased when others taste the fruit He grew in you and with your childlike help, so why shouldn't you be?
It is exciting for little ones to see the work we did together pay off, so why shouldn't it be exciting for us as children of our heavenly Father to see what He is doing actually producing fruit?
Oh, do you notice more peace in your soul than you had before? Isn't that because God has been nurturing His life in you?
Do you notice yourself thinking truthful, wise thoughts instead of foolish ones? Isn't that because He has been growing wisdom in you?
Do you see how He helps you choose kindness instead of angry words? This is praiseworthy! This is a work He is doing in you.
"Oh, but that would be prideful," you say.
Not if you understand whose work we are actually praising! Is it wrong to praise God? Is it wrong to acknowledge the works of His hands in your life?
Not at all.
But what if you do think that the work God has been doing in you is your work?
And what if you see those plants He has planted and think that somehow it's your responsibility to make them grow from here?
This is where we still might feel like we are never good enough for God.
The minute we take it into our own hands, we put expectations on it that are not necessarily His. We watch to see if the good we expect will come, and it doesn't. We try to will it to grow, but nothing happens.
And then we assume He is disappointed in us.
But how can He be, when His expectation is not on us, but on Himself?
Like a tender Father, He takes joy in having us by His side in the work He is doing, but He never, ever hands off the responsibility to us.
He knows it's impossible for us apart from Him to force any growth to happen in our own lives. It is only possible for Him in us to produce supernatural things, and like my little 15-month-old daughter taking pleasure in the little ways she helps, we get to be a part of it just because He likes us to be by His side.
Still not convinced?
Read these verses and let the truth of them sink in.
"And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing in His glory." (Colossians 1:27)
"You were His enemies, separated from Him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now He has reconciled you to Himself through the death of Christ in His physical body. As a result, He has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault." (Colossians 1:21-22)
"If God is for us, who can be against us? ...Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one -for God Himself has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? No one -for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God's right hand, pleading for us." (Romans 8:31,33-34)
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)
Do you identify with Christ? Are you His? Then your identity is "Son of God" or "Daughter of God."
Surely if you are His, He sees your innocence too, just like the psalmist. You can be as confident as he was, because the innocence of Christ is yours.
Yes, those weeds are there, but He will deal with them as He sees fit.
Don't allow the voice of condemnation to distance you from your Father who sees the good He's placed in you -the Life of His Beloved, Perfect Son.
If you feel like that voice is speaking, run past that voice all the way to the arms of your Father, who loves you and is pleased with the life He is growing in you.
He will never reject His own, and He will always receive you with a smile of love.
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