Deep Calls to Deep
I sat in the doorway of the addition facing our backyard, breeze blowing through the open doorway into the unfinished frame of the new room. It was nearing the time I would need to go inside to get the kiddos started on the day, but I knew I needed to pour my heart out to God first.
As I sat there, the words spilled out, emotions rising, feelings intensifying. This week was another week of challenges to our family –one after another, it seemed. I say another week because it is one in a long line of weeks, or even months of challenges, tests to our faith, and more. I told my Father all about it, but the more I spoke, the more I wanted to stop, because the emotions I was having about it all seemed so... wrong.
But I knew He was beckoning me to pour it all out.
“My soul, why are you cast down? Why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God! ...Oh God, my soul is cast down within me; therefore, I will remember You...”
Still, those feelings remained intense, and I wanted to stop. Why try to face them, when they just seem overpowering? It's easier to ignore them sometimes.
What are they for, anyways? I heard recently that feelings are meant to be felt, but often I find myself running from them because when I feel them, I don’t know what to do next.
The words echoed in my mind as a whisper; “Oh God, my soul is cast down within me; therefore, I will remember You...”
My soul is cast down... feelings felt.
My response to those feelings... remember God.
I bring them to God, and then I remember who He is.
My feelings accentuate my need for Him. Should I be ashamed of that? Should I push away my emotions when they just make it more clear to me that my only answer is God?
Something deep in me is crying out for an answer, and something deep in God responds to my cry. Should I quiet the cry?
“Deep calls unto deep...” the psalmist says. I feel overwhelmed with the feelings, but then, I look up. I see His presence in my storm. I see how He is not moved by the crashing waves. I realize He has never lied to me; His word is as stable as He is.
The depth of my trouble is being answered by the depths of His love. The depth of my need is being answered by the depths of His resource. The depth of my instability is being answered by the depth of His sure and stable word.
And He has already said that I am being led in triumph in Christ, manifesting the knowledge of Him in every place. (2 Cor 2:14)
He has already said that He is working all things together for good in my life, that if He is for me, no one can be against me; and because of His love for me, I have been made to be more than a conqueror in all these things. (Romans 8:28, 31, 37)
Though my feelings are taken by me as a sign of defeat, the fact remains that He proclaims me a victor.
So, all that remains is a choice.
“Yes, Lord,” I breathed, “I give You my yes. You said I am being led in triumph in Christ. You said You are working it all for good, that You are for me and not against me, that I am more than a conqueror in all of this. What You say is true. So have your way today. Whatever You want, my answer is yes.”
“Oh Lord,” the psalmist said, letting himself feel the full weight of his emotions, “my soul is cast down within me.”
But his choice was made: “therefore, I will remember You.”
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