A Whole Year Later...

As December thirty-first turned into January first of the new year, I had mixed feelings. Partly because 2014 had turned out to be extremely dear to my heart. Many of my own life's most difficult moments had happened in this year, as well as many of the most exciting ones. I wasn't quite ready to let it go.

Come on, it's just a year number... 

On January first for the past couple of years now, I like to write a prayer of dedication in my journal, asking God to do something incredible with the year, to teach me more about Him, to grow me more... that kind of thing.

This January first, I looked at my old journal's previous prayer for 2014. A whole year ago. Amazing how things can change in just a year. My prayer had been one of wanting to be like Jesus, of dedicating myself to follow Him, whatever the cost, wanting to learn to abide in Him. 

My goodness, does God answer prayer! ...But not always in the ways I expect. 

I wanted God to give me more to do for Him, to make me more effective for Him. His answer came at great cost. But first, He had to prepare me. He started to lay on my heart passages where Jesus talks about the cost of discipleship for me to meditate on. 

The great cost...

I am His disciple, but I didn't realize what that truly meant. Three months into the year, my life dramatically changed. I had been going in one direction, my future was planned out. I thought I knew where I was going, and had it all figured out, when suddenly my dreams were shattered into thousands of little pieces. A door I thought was wide open slammed shut, and everything I had planned out and hoped for was completely useless to me now. 

Suddenly my life before me was a blank sheet of paper. The story I had written on it had been erased, and I had to give God the pen... 

It was then in those moments of feeling purposeless and like life really didn't have much of a point that God had to show me something special that He's been teaching me ever since. 

My purpose in life is not to do great things -be an artist, a musician, a secretary or even a missionary. My purpose is to know Christ and make Him known to others through my broken life. And in those times of deep grief and pain, Christ showed Himself to me in ways I'd never seen Him before. 

His light invaded my darkness

To a person watching on or listening in to my daily life, it may not have sounded or looked like huge revelations, but it was Christ's light, little by little, lighting up my darkness, giving me hope in Him. Not in circumstances or people, which is where my hope had been for a while. 

Where His light invaded, I saw Him.... And how beautiful a sight He was!

He helped me to let go of this life and grab hold of His hand as tightly as He was holding onto me. My grip is weak, but His is strong.

Then He started opening up doors of ministry, bringing other girls across my path that He could love on with the same love He gave me. From Chicago to El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras to Australia and New Zealand, to Florida, He brought many girls across my path that I've had the joy of seeing them find Christ in their circumstances as well. 

I had no idea it was going to be that way, but God is indeed the God who hears and answers prayer. And I wouldn't trade this past year for anything. 

"And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask any thing according to His will, He heareth us: and if we know that He hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him." -1 John 5:14-15

...Looking forward to this year with great anticipation! :) God bless you all!