Living Life for Christ Alone

Love. What is it like?   At times, it’s silent and lowly.   He quiets me and beckon s for me to look.   A baby is nestled up to me, asleep. She feels safe and loved.   She knows she is cared for.   She knows she will have her needs met by me if she cries.   Sometimes, it seems she can’t get close enough to me.   She hangs on tight with her little arm around my shoulder.   I fight the restlessness inside. There is so much to do.   I feel like I have accomplished nothing.   But He settles me again, and motions towards the baby.   “This is kingdom work,” He whispers.   “Why?” I ask.   I won’t walk away from this later and feel like I’ve accomplished anything.   I won’t have a checked-off to-do list to show for this day.   I won’t be able to talk about some grand daring feat I managed to pull off.   It doesn’t seem to matter much in the bigger picture of things, my feelings say.   But then, ...

"Much-Afraid shrank back. 'I am afraid,' she said. 'I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can.' "'That is true,' agreed the Shepherd. 'To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?' "She nodded miserably and then said shamefacedly, 'yes, very much afraid of it.' "'But it is so happy to love,' said the Shepherd quietly. 'It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant.' ... "'...Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too.'"  -Hinds Feet on High places // "...If you would know love, you must know pain too." How close to home this phrase hits.  It is painful...

The sun was shining in the window as I held our newest little blessing in my lap and fed her a bottle.  I could hear my two-year-old crying in her crib, while my three-year-old softly tried to talk sense to her from her bed across the room. (It's hilarious to overhear, but that's a whole other topic.) I looked up at the clock and my heart sank.  "Late again," I thought. "Poor girls... When will I get the timing of the morning down? No wonder Avi is so upset."  As usual, I felt like kicking myself. Two weeks of this, and I still don't have it down....  A gentle nudge from within stopped me from going any further down that path.  "Do you really expect to be mistake free?"  // The last couple of weeks have been uncomfortable for me as I learn the ropes of endless paperwork, visits, communication with people involved in the foster care system, court dates and building a relationship with the baby's biological family.  It would certainly be a lo...