An upturned face

“Here,” she whispered, voice shaky from carrying a heavy weight. “Hope this makes you happy.”  

She dropped it at His feet and turned around, hurrying to leave the room, wondering if He was even in the slightest bit pleased with her.

 “Wait,” He called, but she did not hear.  

She left the room shaking her head, wondering why she was even trying to bring these gifts to Him –obedience to His laws, sacrifice, service, worship...? She felt no pleasure in it. It felt dry and meaningless, like she was merely putting on a show for Someone who could see right through it.  

He knew she had no pleasure in these things. She did them because she felt she must, almost as if doing so somehow would appease Him.  

But inwardly, her heart was dying...  

And had she for a moment looked up into His face, she would have seen a very different facial expression than she was inwardly expecting.  

She remembered back in the days when she enjoyed doing all of this for Him. She would bring it to Him and look in His face and see a smile.  

But it was a smile with a look of longing... Acceptance of her gift, yes, but yearning for something she was not giving Him. 

She had taken it to mean she wasn’t doing enough, so her life became a constant hustle of more trying and failing, more obedience that seemed to crack right down the middle and not hold up under the weight, more service that seemed to become a mess before she finished. 

She would still bring her broken obedience, praise, service, and everything else to Him, but the more she did, the more she left ashamed, quickly hurrying away from Him, thinking she still wasn’t doing enough. 

But the day came when she realized as she carried that heavy weight that she could no longer do this for Him.  

Ashamed, she came before Him with nothing in her hands, sheepishly keeping her eyes glued to the floor.  

“Father,” she said, “I can’t keep doing these things for You. It is too hard. The more I do, the more I feel I need to do, and the more I feel I can’t.”  

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she said those last words. She buried her face in her hands.  

Suddenly, she felt His touch.  

“I never wanted that,” He whispered, His voice rustling in all the dry, empty places of her soul.  

Confused, she took her hands from her face. “But You said you want us to obey your voice and be faithful to do all that You commanded.”  

“Yes, but you were never meant to do it on your own –without Me.”  

“So, You do want me to bring You my offerings?” she asked. 

Quickly, she reached into her pocket and pulled out that most recent small act of service she had done for Him and lifted it up to Him. “Here,” she said, “this is all I have to give You today.”  

He made no move but rather studied her.  

She lowered her hand. Why wasn’t He taking it?  

Slowly, she raised her eyes, flinching, to see His face.  

The look in His face was one of compassion and a deep longing.  

“What is it that you want?” She asked. “I try and try and try to give You what I think You want, but to no avail. You still seem unsatisfied.”  

He did not answer right away, but when He spoke, He said it slowly with deep, heart-felt passion.  

“I want you, my daughter. I have always wanted you. I went to the cross and passed through death and into resurrection life so that I could have you.”  

His words stunned her.  

She could say nothing, but stood there weeping as she saw His own words bring tears to His eyes.  

For a moment, she could not move. Her whole idea of what a relationship with the God of the universe was had just been shattered.  

He wasn’t sitting on His throne awaiting the best gifts she could possibly bring Him.  

He was a Father, looking –searching- for her upturned face, looking directly into His, and letting Him look into hers.  

He had brought her into His family, not for what she could do for Him, but to be His.  

//

We speak all the time about how we are not meant to seek God's hand. He wants us to seek His face.

But have we thought much about how our Father also does not seek our hand?

He isn't longing for us to do better, to be better, to show up with the best things we can bring Him...

What if God is seeking our face too?

Moses was called a friend of God because He talked with God face-to-face.

Though God put His law out there through Moses, perhaps Moses was giving God the thing He wanted most - himself.

"Give Me the man." it echoes over time.

The few men and women in history that God could actually use to display His glory in the purest form were not the ones who were a furious storm of action, but the ones who gave God what He wanted most - themselves.

They sought His face, and He sought theirs and found them many times turned upward towards Him.

These men and women were true friends of God, because they spoke with God face-to-face.

There is joy in this relationship.

Seeing God looking for your upturned face brings joy.

God seeing us looking for His face, finding His eyes looking deep into our souls and delighting in us -unashamed of who we are, because we are who He says we are- brings us joy.

Staying -abiding- in that place of purest intimacy brings abiding -full- joy.

And out of that place brings action -actions that change the world. Obedience that actually makes a difference and flows out of us supernaturally. Service that actually looks like Jesus. Love that like a river just flows out of us and onto a thirsty world.

We bring our upturned, "open" faces to God, and He with the very light of His presence changes us.

//

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." (Ephesians 2:13)

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." (2 Corinthians 3:18)

"You will show me the path of life. In Your presence there is fullness of joy." (Psalm 16:11)

"When you said, 'Seek My face,' my heart said to You, 'Your face, Lord, I will seek.'" (Psalm 27:8)

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.... Apart from Me, you can do nothing." (John 15:4-5)