Soul-Counsel: When It Is Too Much For Me
Can I be honest with you? If yes, read on. ;)
And the last couple of weeks have given me plenty of moments like that.
Moments where I feel like I'm being crushed under pressure that is too great for me to carry.
Moments where the decisions I have to make as a mom pile up so high in my brain that I can't even think straight enough to make them.
If I stay too long here, I find myself becoming cynical. Life is not even meant to be fun, is it? (Spoiler: that is not true!)
I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed before the day began. I was stressed out and I hadn't even got out of bed. How can one possibly even begin to do a day right like that?
I sat at the breakfast table drinking my coffee, trying to gather myself for the day. I just wanted to cry. I'd had enough.
Why doesn't God make my life any easier? Why does it seem like one difficult season is replaced by another one that is even harder? The work it took to stay "above water" for the last one was hard enough... and now this?
"God," I prayed one morning last week as I was out for a walk, "I am in no state of soul to be a good mom..." (let alone all the other things I do.)
"Well," He responded firmly, but gently, "I Am."
"I Am." It echoed in my mind as I finished that walk. It's echoed faintly since.
And now, as I sit down to process in writing all He has been trying to bring to my attention and do in me this past week, I realize that it has been the rock He has been inviting me to stand on this whole time.
He is all that I am not.
I find myself giving up my last ounce of strength to survive another moment, and then I must stop trying all together, for nothing is left in me... And when this happens, I'm right where He wants me.
Where does He want me?
At the end of myself.
"Whoever loves his life will lose it," Jesus said. If you look this up in the Greek, it could be translated, "if you sacrificially love your own soul, you will destroy it."
In other words, if I am trying to preserve the happy feelings in my soul to the point of sacrificing things that actually matter, I am destroying my soul. It is never good for our souls when we live merely to please or preserve them.
Then He said this, "and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." Again, this could be translated like this: "Whoever disregards his own soul will guard it for the very thing it was created for."
Do we long for true life? Jesus defined eternal life this way: "This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." (John 17:3)
If I live to feel good about my life, I will simultaneously destroy my soul.
But if I disregard my soul in my quest for God, I actually find true vitality and life that I was made for.
It is no wonder we slip into discouragement and even depression when life goes awry. How can I possibly keep myself happy when life just won't cooperate?
We need something more rock solid than that, but to have it we must disregard our own soul.
This is so counter-cultural, but if you're brave, keep reading.
This means I don't do what I feel like doing.
This means I don't make my whole survival depend on "me time" or "self-care".
This means I don't choose the easy way out in parenting, whatever that may be.
This means I don't stop doing what is right simply because it doesn't feel right.
This means I don't use media and food as an escape from my circumstances.
This means I do believe what God says even if my circumstances and feelings disagree.
This means I do step into obedience to God's word and His leading whether I feel like it or not.
This means I do fight to maintain peace and order in my home, even when chaos is fighting for the throne.
This means I do run -and I mean RUN- to God in those situations where I have nothing left and the pressure is too great.
Where the soul whines and gropes for its own way, I must choose to reach higher for that which will actually bring true spiritual health to my soul.
...After my breakfast, I took my coffee cup into my time with Jesus and started to pour out my heart to Him this morning. I mean, really pour out my heart -frustration, confusion, anger... everything.
But then, He lifted my gaze upward. I penned this counsel to my soul in response to what He was doing in me.
...
"...We don't look at the troubles we can see now: rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." (2 Cor 4:16-18)
Oh, my soul, you are so discouraged and weary, aren't you? It seems as if what is in front of you is all there is. It feels as though these circumstances are about to eat you alive, doesn't it?
But I have news for you. What you see now will soon be gone. Let this wash over you and renew in you a sense of hope.
This is not all there is, my soul.
Lift your eyes above all these things that you don't like. No, my soul, I'm not talking about circumstances getting better, though they may. I'm talking about an unseen, eternal reality that one day will be visible to you forever.
Lift your gaze higher than this temporary world, to heaven.
Do you see Him there? He sits enthroned above it all. No, my soul, evil does not rule. HE does.
Look at His face. Does evil overwhelm you and make you feel small? Not Him. Look into His eyes. Only joy and peace are found there.
Do you see Him smiling? He is still King and His rule is never threatened by that which seems like too much for you.
Since He is not threatened, should you be?
Oh, my soul, just rest. Let this heavenly King be your reason for everything. He is immoveable and unchanging.
Why don't you just hide in Him?
"Find rest, my soul, in God alone." (Psalm 62)
Let Him be your Refuge and your Strength, your very present Help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)
Though this day and the circumstances of it press in around you, you need never be crushed, because He is in you, and He will not be crushed either. (2 Corinthians 4)
Though it is too much for you, it is not too much for Him. (Jeremiah 32:27)
Your present troubles are small compared to what glory awaits you, my soul. Never accept, for a moment, that this is all there is. (2 Corinthians 4:17)
Fix your gaze on your unseen, heavenly reality. (2 Corinthians 4:18)
Have you forgotten?
The Father loves you. (John 16:27)
You are His beloved daughter. (1 John 3:1)
He intends to reveal Himself through you, so every moment does have a purpose. (2 Corinthians 4:10)
He promised never to leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)
You can do all that He asks of you through Christ. (Philippians 4:13)
You are not alone, for He is with you. (Joshua 1:9)
So breathe, my soul. He is closer to you than you think.
...
After this was written and the choice made for truth, God gave a little more clarity, a little more certainty in each step, and strength for the hard decisions I had to make.
So don't tell me there is no hope when you are at your lowest, for God is always there, ready to lift first your gaze, and then you, above those overwhelming circumstances.
If you feel like hope is starting to disappear, perhaps you too are looking to circumstances to bolster your soul, grabbing for whatever you can find to bring instant happiness that lasts no longer than the moment, but running out of things to grab for.
Can I just encourage you to look up?
Look up beyond your feelings, beyond the circumstances, the pressures, the confusion, and even past the world and its many so-called "answers".
Look up to Jesus, the only One who can truly lift your soul above all of that and into what it was made for: a peaceful, life-giving relationship with Him that carries you through whatever it is you face.
You will find afresh, as I have, that He is still good, and He is still that immoveable rock that we need, no matter what we face
What I am not, He IS... every single time.
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